'No Problem' review.
'Nonsensical' is probably the second most popular genre among Hindi films, after love stories and before underdog-underworld tales. No prizes for guessing where No Problem fits in. And like most die-hard fans of this idiotic branch of cinema would say, the usual disclaimer of 'expect nothing but prepare for everything- applies here too.
The film presents two conmen, Yash (Sanjay Dutt) and Raj (Akshaye Khanna) who're backpacking in rural South Africa when they stumble into Zandulal (Paresh Rawal) who is the village chief/ bank manager/ teacher (everyone speaks fluent Hindi in this South African village) etc. Predictably, Yash and Raj rob Zandu's bank and escape to Durban, while Zandu spends the rest of the film trying to retrieve his money.
The parallel story in Durban finds Senior Inspector Arjun Singh (Anil Kapoor) who manages to intimidate no one in particular and is husband to the fiercely psychotic Kajal (Sushmita Sen) who has regular fits of insanity where she attempts to kill her husband. Since such films also rely on medical marvels to induce humour, Arjun's doctor pumps out 12-14 bullets that he had braved in one of his imbecilic encounters; the remaining bullets tickle him often as they transverse his tummy, resulting in uncontrollable laughter (that doesn't trickle down to the audience!). Shakti Kapoor plays the Commissioner of Police (of Durban?) and Arjun's father-in-law who eventually becomes paralyzed - to everyone's delight.
The third set of characters includes Marcos (Suniel Shetty) and his motley crew of international criminals. The crew is a standard mix. Bald man - check, ugly man - check, old, wise and almost retiring henchman "check, random vamp who doubles for an ultimate warrior - double check. And so on. Obviously through some silly turn of events, these three parallel groups are to be driven to the same floor, like in countless such films. In this case, like in many others, they all happen to be pursuing some priceless diamonds. Yawn.
Without a single love story to jazz things up, the film wouldn't be worth its salt, so welcome Penelope Pitstop or Sanjana (Kangana Ranaut). She mumbles, she grumbles and finally she manages to become Raj's love interest in the film. Other unmentionable characters who don't make or break the film (like it was possible!) include Vijay Raaz (whose presence in the film is no less raaz), Naidu (Suresh Menon): Arjun Singh's cocky assistant, and Sofia (Neetu Chandra): Marco's on-demand belly dancer.
No Problem scores for its flawless idiocy and humour induced by people getting physically hurt but the film drags longer than you want to watch it for, especially since the last hour out of its two-and-a-half hour runtime becomes absolutely insufferable. The characters get louder and more obnoxious than before in such a manner that it seems like even they want the movie to end soon.
Of course, religiously following the rule book, every celebration, important event, unimportant passage of time, etc. has to be marked with a song-and-dance number featuring only the best supermodels from across the planet. But the songs that they shake about to aren't even worth a mention. Its setting in the beautiful landscape of South Africa adds viewing pleasure to this film. Of course, it fails to showcase a single shred of logic or reasoning but then how would that alter the scheme of things?
By the way, No Problem also features some huge apes (played by humans) who play a key role (as you will realize if you watch it). A disclaimer at the beginning states that no chimps were hurt in the making of this film. But what about the mental trauma suffered by those sitting in the audience?
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