The Back-up Plan is so unimaginative that even the character names are run-of-the-mill: Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) and Stan (Alex O’Loughlin). The movie is not even half as funny as the male star’s last name. Try pronouncing that in typical Gujju, that’s as much fun as you’ll have watching The Back-up Plan.
JLo is old, she might be a MILF to some, but she’s not really great to look at these days. She’s old in the movie as well, at least old enough to be worried about never finding the all-so-elusive ‘right’ guy before it’s too late to have a baby. So she gets herself inseminated, and she runs into the seemingly perfect guy the minute she walks out of the clinic. Who would’ve thought! By this time you know where the story’s heading.
Zoe doesn’t want to get into a relationship, but she ends up sleeping with Stan. Why? Because she’s a horny American bitch who can’t resist sex, that’s why. Blame it on the hormonal changes or whatever. And of course, she’ll tell Stan that she’s pregnant only after both of them have fallen head over boots in love with each other. Of course! How else would you have Stan acting all shitty about not wanting kids. But hey, Stan is a cool dude; he’ll suck it in and prepare to be a dad because he’s oh-so-much in love with Zoe. That’s one twist out of the way.
But the movie’s not even halfway through, what next? Yeah, let’s turn Zoe into a stubborn skeptic. She’s so stubborn that she refuses to feed her dog a bit of what she’s eating. Wow, characterization! And to make Zoe look even more stubborn, you show a dog with two broken legs. Awww! How could Zoe be so obstinate, why doesn’t she loosen up? Don’t worry, don’t worry, she will, but not before the movie draws to an expected end.
So Zoe doesn’t think that Stan will go through, and one bad choice of words is all she needs to kick him out of her life. Stan mutely accepts the axe from his position as caring boyfriend; he obviously doesn’t care enough to explain himself. And then, divine intervention happens in the form of a custom-made stroller. Brilliant! Zoe has an epiphany and takes Stan back, the babies are delivered and a sad rom-com comes to an end.
The Back-up Plan is as banal as a rom-com can get. It is sporadically ludicrous as well. Scenes where a pregnant Zoe climbs up into giant dumpsters, or falls flat on her stomach inside a cab make you want to kick the writer (Kate Angelo) and director (Alan Poul) in the gut. And there’s one other scene – a tasteless attempt at turning a delivery into a comedy – that makes you want to kick them in the nuts so that they understand that such excruciating pain ain’t funny.
In a nutshell, The Back-up Plan is a stupid movie, full of dumbly irritating characters and a story that has absolutely no novelty. It is best avoided, not worth your time and money, or any more of my words.
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