White is so Out in this film…
After viewing the newest mystery/action/thriller, "Whiteout," directed by Dominic Sena (made film such as "Kalifornia," "Swordfish," "Gone in 60 Seconds," a bunch of Janet Jackson videos), I was not only left in the cold, but felt as if I was all alone on an empty, expansive continent with no one to communicate with and certainly no one to explain what I just saw.
Yes, friends, to say this 90-minute film is plot less and pointless would be an insult to the terms. I remember there being a lots and lots of snow, loose plot points and bad Austrailan accents blowing around. Oh, and there was Kate Beckinsale in there - somewhere - too, I believe. I can't really recall too much else, mainly because in only a short running time, it lapped itself with a blizzard of boredom.
The movie opens with a Russian transport plane hosting a bewildering gun battle at 10,000 feet in 1957. No one knows what's happening - on the aircraft or in the audience. Soon, though, the scene shifts to the present where U.S. Marshal Carrie Stetko (Beckinsale, worked in films such as "Van Helsing," "The Aviator," "Underground Evolution") is hold up on a South Pole government outpost after shooting someone in a series of flashbacks. Her and a friend, Dr. John Fury (Tom Skerrit, worked in several films such as "M*A*S*H," "Alien," "Top Gun") discover a frozen body near the plane crash site and the investigation begins.
Basically, the picture the becomes a bit of "Alien" and "John Carpenter's The Thing" with a side order of "CSI Antartica," with a mysterious United Nations agent, Robert Pryce (Gabriel Macht, worked in several films such as "The Good Shepherd," "The Spirit"), joining in on the fun.
While trying to unravel the secret of just what was on board that Russian airplane, an annoying Aussie also tries to nose in on the action; while a sub-tropical hurricane comes blowing in just for laughs.
All in all, like the location it takes place in, this film is a frozen, bleak, lonely, dark, desolate enterprise, with little warmth (or chemistry) between the characters.
Not to mention the terrible dialogue, the confusing final fight sequences (everyone's in heavy parkas, so no one knows WHAT'S going on) and flashbacks that flash back to scenes which took place 10 seconds before!
On the whole this movie’s white color is out.
Rating: 2 / 5